I Am Lost

I am lost in the world of my thoughts

Thinking of anything and nothing

It’s a mess up there

And I don’t know how to sort it out

 

People say I am very quiet

They don’t understand the noise in my head

It’s a storm clashing with ships

It’s a hatching of an egg as the offspring peeps out

 

What is that voice?

That talks to me in the chaos

Where did it come from?

Had it always been there?

 

I cease to exist in the real world

I am lost

In the world

Of my thoughts

This poem is mainly about what it feels like to be a quiet person who is very loud inside their own head. In my opinion quiet people are always lost in their own thoughts because they never stop thinking. As an introvert who is mostly very quiet I am just constantly thinking and sometimes I even forget that I am around other people.

This amazing poem was written by MistryLand and if you want to check out more from her visit her blog: https://mistry07.wordpress.com/

And follow her comics on tapastic: http://tapastic.com/series/MistryLand

If you want to check out more poetry click here.

And if you enjoyed the post don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment.

 

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Book Review: And Baby Makes Two

*Warning: Contains Spoilers*

“Getting what you want is only the beginning.”

I finally read And Baby Makes Two by Dyan Sheldon. This mildly light hearted yet extremely realistic and hard hitting books is one of my favorites. Dyan Sheldon has a way of connecting with her audience and really being able to describe a teenage mind and life. This book is about a fifteen year old girl, Lana, who makes some seriously bad decisions and ends up going through a much deserved hard time. Unlike most books to do with teenagers this isn’t a love story, it doesn’t make teenagers look like deep, misunderstood young adults and it isn’t afraid to be raw. One thing I have noticed with YA books is that most of them show parents as uncaring, distant, busy or just in general misunderstanding whereas they show teenagers to be smarter, deeper, and more mature than they should be. This book turns the tables around which is nice because it’s different from what we are so used to reading.

Lana is a very petty, immature, lost, naïve and silly fifteen year old. She and her mother have a very complicated relationship which mainly seems due to a lot of miscommunication and mildly due to Lana’s stubborn and unforgiving nature. She blames her mother for pretty much everything from her bad grades to global warming. She only lets herself live in her make belief day dream because I guess she is too young and innocent to realize that the world isn’t what it seems.

On her fifteenth birthday Lana excitedly puts on a bunch of makeup and wears a very revealing and skanky dress that her mother refuses to let her wear which leads to a huge quarrel between the two. She ends up going to a burger place alone and there as she drowns in sorrow and self-pity she meets a men she thinks is “THE ONE” (foreshadow: he is an asshole).

The two date for a while and she quickly decides now that she has met the perfect man there is no need for her to bother with school (where she was failing anyway) and it was time to take her relationship to the next level. She and her boyfriend, Les, decide to have sex that is sloppy and that she definitely doesn’t enjoy. Unfortunately, she ends up pregnant however unlike literally everyone else she is absolutely thrilled and looks forward to starting, what she believes, a family with Les.

Les who is less enthusiastic about the whole situation and acts like a perfect jackass towards her and the baby. Even though he regularly wants to have sex with her, he is not ready to take any responsibility whatsoever. Lana’s mother desperately tries to tell Lana that having a baby is not as fun as Madonna makes it look. Les, on the other hand, goes on a trip to Greece (without Lana) who goes into labor and has a baby girl called Shinola.

After Lana has the baby, Les finally shows up referring to the baby as “it” and definitely not having the moving reaction Lana hoped for when he sees Shinola for the first time. He is still only interested in sex and eventually Lana finally starts to see that have a baby isn’t what the movies make it seem like. Her mother too starts to slowly stop trying so hard and begins to give up on Lana.

The ending is quite a turn from the starting but it actually makes a lot of sense, Lana learns what growing up and taking responsibility is really like and her mum learns that she needs to let go- Lana is definitely not a baby anymore.

If you want to read more book reviews click here.

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The Pouring Rain

The rain pours outside

As I look out of the window

Of the abandoned building

I once called home

No one is here now

To watch it with me

To hold me

When the thunder scares me

No one shouts out

That the dinner’s ready

The dark grey clouds

Look angry and alone

They cry over us

Letting the raindrops

Soak us in pain

The rain always makes me sad

Because I no longer

Have anyone to share it with

And alone as always

I draw the curtains

And sit down to eat

As the rain continues to pour outside

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don’t know how to explain what this poem is about because I can’t really put it into words. It is basically jut about life and how even though when you’re younger growing up sounds amazing but eventually it starts to become a nightmare because it never stops.

If you want to read more poetry on this blog please click here.

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Devastation

With words lapping like waves on the sand

I don’t understand the fire in my heart

It feels like a rows of buildings collapsing from the sky

Like a puzzle made by a child

And here I am standing in the mist of it all

Wondering where it all went wrong

 

This urge to grip my flesh

And pull it down in vain

To lessen the burden of pain

The shining stars turn to silver daggers

Close the curtains

I cannot bear it anymore

 

This feeling that budded so softly

In the pits of my womb

That turned into a mad, craving monster

Tearing me apart

Like the fireworks

That rip open the sky

 

I am going mad in this spiral of words

Whipping me back and forth

But please

Tell me what I did wrong

I’m a sunken ship in a battle of fleets

All I came for was a little bit of love

My heart has sunk into the depths of darkness

Enveloped by slimy, black hands

Strangled by black veins cherishing my love

I am devastated

This deep and thought provoking poem is about how as we grow up we sometimes begin to change for the worse without even realizing it. We conform to society, we let our individuality and creativity die, we forget who we are to be what everyone else wants us to be. But it destroys us on the inside, slowly drowning us in the depths of our own repression. By the time we realize this it can sometimes be too late and that is why we must consciously make a decision to be different, to stay unique, to make ourselves happy before we try to please others.

This amazing poem was written by MistryLand and if you want to check out more from her visit her blog: https://mistry07.wordpress.com/

And follow her comics on tapastic: http://tapastic.com/series/MistryLand

If you want to check out more of her poetry click here.

And if you enjoyed the post don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment.

Book Review: The Kite Runner

*Warning: Contains Spoilers*

“And that’s the thing about who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”

The Kite Runner is Khaled Hosseini’s first book which was published in 2003. This book is why I went on to read A Thousand Splendid Suns and did a review for it that you can read here. I originally read this book quite a while back and remember being totally engrossed. I read it again as part of my English class for school and I loved it just as much as I had the first time I read it. This book is as emotionally gripping as all of Hosseini’s books are. It is a story about love, life, betrayal and redemption. It also talks about the war in Afghanistan and how much damage it did to the country and how it turned the lives of the people there upside down.

It revolves around the life of a young boy, Amir, and his best friend Hassan. Hassan is the son of a worker at Amir’s house but the two grew up together and are as close as brothers. One thing they are exceptionally good at is the art of kite flying and Amir decides that they must win the annual kite flying contest that year because he thought it would win him the love of his cold, distant father. Although they do end up winning the contest there is a heavy price they pay for it leaving their friendship in turmoil.

Soon Amir and his father are forced to flee Afghanistan due to the war and they end up living in America. Unlike in Afghanistan where they were very well off and lead a comfortable life, in America they have to start afresh working minimum wage jobs. Even though Amir and Hassan are separated and live on two different continents Amir is always haunted by his past. No matter how preoccupied he is he cannot stop thinking about Hassan.

Eventually, Amir decides to become a writer as writing had always been his passion since he was a young child. He meets a girl he falls in love with and marries and even though he is happy he still continues to live in the shadows of his betrayal. His father unfortunately dies soon after the wedding.

Fifteen years his marriage he gets a call from a friend of his father, Rahim Khan, who is still in Afghanistan. He and Rahim were very close when he was a child and Rahim was the only one who had encouraged him to pursue his dreams of being a writer. Amir decides to go back only to find things about his past that will all lead to a battle between good and evil and an opportunity for Amir to redeem himself. This may be the last chance he has to finally let go of the past, to correct the wrong that has haunted him all these years. It won’t be easy but Amir knows it is finally time to face his demons.

Another great aspect of this book, apart from its raw emotions and powerful characters, is the description. Hosseini, just like in his other books has done a great job describing the life of the people in Afghanistan before, during and after the war. It shows how much devastation was caused to this once beautiful and peaceful country. It describes their struggles in a different way than we are used to seeing.

The end is very moving and I was really emotional at the end. It can be interpreted differently but in my opinion it leaves us with some hope that things may get better- not anytime soon but maybe someday in the future.

“For you a thousand times over”

If you want to read more book reviews click here.

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Coursework Drama

For my English Language and Literature exam I have to do some coursework. For the coursework we have to write an original piece which is then marked and graded. It’s actually really difficult and this year’s coursework is really stressing me out because for some reason I cannot think of a realistic situation involving a dilemma. I mean I’ve thought of some ideas but none sound particularly interesting or appealing to me. So, I decided to go back to the coursework I did last year because I thought that might be inspiration enough to give me a good idea (I was wrong).

Last year my topic was dystopia and even though I had heard about it I hadn’t really ever written anything involving dystopia and I found it very difficult. It helped me realize I was so used to writing about what I was comfortable with I had stopped trying to write something new. So today I thought I would post my dystopian speech here. It is about a time in the future where women are considered superior to men.

The Great Hunt

Welcome!

For ten years now we have stood here and celebrated my rule as the Herrscher. We have fought everybody for what we have today and I vow to never let things change. We may have fought many wars, but we have fought them for peace. We may have massacred, but we have massacred for life. We may have killed, but we have killed to live. And I may have oppressed, but I have oppressed for freedom.

Before my rule, people had choices, they had independence and worst of all they had rights. And the aftermath of all this? There was war, destruction, pain, disobedience! People were betrayed by the contemptible, disloyal cowards they called leaders. They were all failures, traitors, imbeciles who knew no better. War, disease, famine and terror plagued the world. And that is why I am here before you and created a new community, a new world.

Let us remember all I have done for you. All I have achieved.

Back then, before The Change, humanity was on the brink of extinction. Men were made useless by technology and women preferred to have no physical contact with such an obviously inferior species. Women chose to no longer have children and soon when they began realizing they had made the wrong choice it was too late. Women were unable to have children no matter how hard they tried. The world was falling apart and everyone was in a frenzy. That’s when I came along. I changed the world forever.

I created new babies proving for once and for all I was a superior being. I not only grew them but I removed their brains, rewired them and put them together again, reprogrammed the way I pleased. And what’s more is I put them in camps under full time government surveillance so that they were raised the way I wanted. They will never know about family, love, education, religion or even the existence of other humans beyond their living area.

We taught them the truth. That pain is as vital as pleasure. That hate is as vital as love. That destruction is as vital as creation. That suffering is as vital as enjoyment. Cruelty, injustice, intolerance and oppression are only a means of survival, of maintaining power. These children are infinitely valuable to us and that is why I must control every level of their life. That’s why I must teach them to be ruthless, to have absolutely no attachment towards anyone except me, to obey me blindly because this is necessary for their survival.

These children are not only mentally superior but physically too. They’re all of course female. The rights of all men have obviously been eliminated because of course they were to blame for all the problems we face today. They created nothing but war, destruction and pain. They were nothing more than extra baggage for women. They were too weak to satisfy us women the way we deserve. This is why they were no longer allowed to have a say in the government. They were no longer allowed to get an education or even leave the house without being accompanied by a woman. But still unfortunately we needed them for their sperm.

I stand here before you to again inform you of another one of my breath-taking achievements. I have created artificial sperm. Thanks to my ingenious invention we are no longer tied down by this inferior gender and now we are free from the responsibility of caring for them. They have always held us back and tied us down, but no more, no more will we let them continue to walk the same ground we walk on, no more will they breathe the same air as us, no more.

A great treat awaits all you women. We have captured every living men and held them in the ground opposite us. They have no idea about this but all of you will be handed sufficient weapons. You will then be led into the ground, protected by armor of course and you will do your worst.

I want you to DESTROY every last man. I want to see them being mutilated, torn apart limb by limb, their brains ripped out of their skulls. I want to see nothing but a sea of blood and body parts as you lick the blood off your hands and lips and I want you to enjoy every second of it.

May you have a joyous hunt ahead of you!

I hope you liked that! I had put a lot of effort into it. And if you have any ideas about realistic dilemma’s let me know in the comments below! Don’t forget to like, share, follow and comment!

PS: Sorry this post is kind of late but it was raining and I was stuck in traffic for literally two hours.

I Am Scared

I am scared of what I’ll find

Behind the closed doors

I’ve been hidden from

I am scared of the stories

I’ve heard about the world

I can’t stay ignorant anymore

I have to go out there

But I’m scared of what’s out there

Inhumane is in itself an irony

Mocking, teasing, suicide

Abuse, rape, murder

I’m scared I’ll be a victim

If I stay out too late

If I express myself

I have been hidden behind the walls of shelter

Of my father, of my brother

But what of those

Who are left naked in this world?

I am scared

Of what might happen to them

This powerfully raw poem is about being scared to explore the world around us because of all the terrible things that are going on. Even though we feel the need for change we are sometimes simultaneously afraid of this change, what it may mean for us and how it may affect our lives.

This amazing poem was written by MistryLand and if you want to check out more from her visit her blog: https://mistry07.wordpress.com/

And follow her comics on tapastic: http://tapastic.com/series/MistryLand

If you want to check out more of her poetry click here.

And if you enjoyed the post don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment.

Book Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns

*Warning: Contains Spoilers*

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini is an incredible book about two women from different families and different backgrounds who are forced to suffer the same fate as a result of unfortunate events. These two women go on to form an extraordinary bond and fight for their freedom. Unlike Hosseini’s first book The Kite Runner this one focuses more on the lives of young women in Afghanistan. I originally read this book for my English class and absolutely loved it. Hosseini has a certain way of using characters to bring out emotions and create realistic situations. His books are always very honest and raw and discuss subjects that need to be more openly discussed if we want a way to solve them.

This book begins with the narration of a young Afghan girl Marriam who is living a miserable life where she feels trapped by her dramatically possessive mother. She is closer to her father who visits her often but always leaves her anyway. Her father has wives and Marriam’s mother is only a maid who once worked for them and so she lives further away on her own. Her father obviously feels guilty about the situation but is too afraid to do anything about it and Marriam’s mother is too irrational to truly help Marriam understand the situation better.

One unfortunate day, Marriam decides to leave her mother to go visit her father even though she is forbidden to and comes back to find that her mother has committed suicide leaving her all alone. Her father who is influenced by his wives decides to marry her off to a significantly older shoemaker, Rasheed. The marriage quickly goes downhill and soon she lives in fear of his ever changing moods, violent temper, control and trust issues and misogynistic views. He believes that men should never lose control of their wives and to prove this point he forces her to wear a burqa and he often ridicules, insults and torments her, sometimes physically abusing her.

Laila is also a young girl living in Afghanistan whose life is turned upside down when a rocket lands on her house killing her family. Her boyfriend Tariq has already left for Pakistan and when she realizes she’s pregnant with Tariq’s baby she agrees to marry Rasheed when he asks her.

At first Marriam is furious and accuses Laila of stealing her husband but after the baby arrives she starts to soften towards Laila. Soon Marriam and Laila are closer than ever. Knowing that they only have each other they quickly start trying to defend each other against Rasheed’s rages and abuse which only angers him more. Hosseini allows the reader an insight not only into the lives of these women and their suffering but into Afghanistan before and after the Taliban rule. He talks about how men were forced to grow beards, women were forced to cover up, women weren’t allowed to go out of their house alone without being accompanied by a male and at one point he talks about how women in labor were turned away from hospitals because the two genders weren’t allowed to use the same hospitals.

This book really portrays Afghanistan and its people in a different light instead of the stereotypical way we often see it portrayed by the media. It really makes you think about life and how much these people have been through. By the end you will truly become emotionally attached to the characters. This is a must read book that I could not put down.

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls”

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Back To School: The Stress Awakens

Okay so I’m just going to admit it, going back to school sucks. Honestly, I am excited to see my friends and I love the subjects I do but school can really be such a drag. First of all the waking up early part really sucks, then you have to do boring things like sit in class and listen and study. After such a long holiday it can really feel like a drag to have to go back to school so here are a few ways to make going back to school slightly less horrible:

Be positive– I know this one sounds really cliché but sometimes having a positive attitude can do wonders. Instead of complaining try to be happy about the things you’re looking forward to- like seeing all your friends again and learning new and interesting things. Your brain will be able to sense the positivity even if you’re faking it so eventually you’ll realize you have stopped faking it and are genuinely positive.

Be creative– if you go to a school like mine where you wear uniform and aren’t allowed to wear any sort of jewelry or colorful things or leave your hair open or paint your nails (no I do not go to military school) it’s hard to be creative with the way you look so instead you can be creative in other ways. Like for example you can decorate your notebooks by maybe covering them with wrapping paper, adding stickers or even drawing something cool on the cover. I often used to get bored in class and so I used to write my favorite lyrics and quotes and stuff behind my book which is fun and kind of inspiring at the same time (although maybe don’t do it during class). You can also redecorate your compass and sew things into it (if you know how to sew) or else you can just like stick some stuff on it to make it look more fun and artsy.

Read/write– since I’m in year 13 I have a lot of free time and sometimes reading or writing during these times can be really fun. I’ve actually been writing a lot of my posts in school because after I’m done with my homework and stuff there isn’t much for me to do. Plus, for some weird reason I really get some good ideas in school. You can also spend some of your free time reading instead of sulking about how much school sucks. I am almost always in the library when I don’t have class and reading really wakes you up and relaxes you too. Also, a real positive of hanging out in the library is that you don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to, like all you do is smile or say hi and then you go back to whatever you’re doing because you’re technically not allowed to talk in the library.

Smile– smiling is really good for your brain! Smiling has the same effect on your brain as exercising. Just like your brain tells you to smile when it’s feeling happy, a smile can tell your brain to be happy. It’s not much but a smile can really get you through a lot of things for example the first day of school. So go ahead and smile at people and if they take it as a signal to start a conversation tell them you’re busy and go to the library!

Go shopping– getting something new can really make you more enthusiastic even about things like going back to school. You don’t have to spend a ton of money on buying new things but you can buy something small like a new bracelet or earrings or a nail polish. Or you can buy decorating items and decorate something you already have. Last year I bought a bunch of badges and put them on my bag. Instead of buying something new you can always also make something new like one of my friends made some amazing badges of her own which looked amazing.

Do something new– instead of looking like you always do (not that there’s anything wrong with how you generally look) you could try out a new look. Maybe you could get a new hairstyle. Instead of doing what you regularly do maybe u could braid your hair, straighten it instead of curling or vice versa, maybe you could do a bun instead of the usual ponytail (you get the drift). If you like how your hair looks maybe you can get some new shoes or redecorate your old ones for a new look. If you wear glasses maybe you can get a new frame and if you don’t wear glasses maybe you can get glasses for a while. Sometimes it’s cool to try new looks and you may just end up loving your new look and that guy you’ve secretly had a crush on for ages might just notice your new look and come over to talk to you!

Talk more– I know it sounds scary/stupid but participating in class can actually be a lot of fun. Once you do it a couple of times you’ll kind of get over the fear of participating and you’ll actually learn and have fun. Honestly, just try it!

I just wanted to add that even though we tend to put a lot of importance on education it is not the end of the world if you don’t do well in a certain subject or if you fail something. You can just try to work harder and if you still don’t do that well remember that lots of people who made it weren’t great at education either. Everyone is talented in different ways and just because you’re not book smart doesn’t mean you can’t make it in another field. Also, since my school has started I may not be able to post that often so please just bear with me.

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